Sweet Confessions

I started drinking coffee at age 8 or 9. Not just coffee mind you, but a heaping scoop of instant coffee in tap water, microwave heated, and then 3, 4, sometimes 5 heaping, always heaping, spoons of pure white sugar topped off with a few heaping spoons of ‘non–dairy’ powdered creamer. This went on everyday well into my 20’s. Every single day for near two decades my day was jump started with a huge hit of sugar and caffeine. I will not even get into my diet during this phase of my life, it was not good, but will analyze my sugary coffee consumption for now.

I suffered extreme PMS symptoms since mid-teenage years. I’m talking hide-the-butcher knife extreme. Okay, I never killed anyone but in all honesty, it could have happened. Extreme mood swings and fatigue were the norm two weeks out of every month. I remember about age 14 or so downing left over codeines from past prescriptions mine or no. I didn’t want the high they gave you, it was simply the only thing that would alleviate the horrid cramps that accompanied the mood swings. When I was 18 my doctor told me to cut the coffee AND sugar because I had pretty bad fibrocystic breast disease. I did neither and forgot about the FCBD. From age 20 to 24 I was busy dealing with tumors in my neck and head, getting married, and 3 neurosurgeries, the last of which knocked me on my ass leaving me totally deafened, unable to walk a straight line and a paralyzed face which involves more than just a crooked smile but also dry eyes which when not taken care of can lead to blindness and at best, a constant irritation. If anything, PMS worsened during this time - never felt well, was often told I looked frail. The Christmas I was 25 my mom gave me a book “Unmasking PMS.” She apologized as I opened it saying she hoped I would not be mad at her but maybe it would help. Me, always liking a good read, and especially anything about how to improve your health was thrilled with my gift. I started reading it immediately and was amazed, in awe, and shocked at reading the causes and cures of most PMS symptoms. In a nutshell the book said that sugar and carbohydrates worsen PMS and if you eat several high protein meals a day, to keep blood sugar from dropping, most symptoms would simply disappear. It also had charts and graphs showing the progesterone and estrogen surges and dips. I wanted to focus on diet not hormones, much easier to control so I analyzed my diet for the offenders and found plenty. Topping the list was my beloved morning coffee, it never occurred to me that sugar could be igniting PMS and I was curious to see if true. I’d hoped it wasn’t! After mustering up the willpower, I switched to half cup of black coffee instead of my usual sickening sweet concoction in the morning. I was amazed. That very day I felt noticeably better, fatigue was almost non existent. I had found my cure on the very first try.

But like every addict I was prone to relapse. Looking back now I see how much an addict I was, and still am. After sometime on my no-sugar coffee routine and still feeling MUCH improvement PMS-wise I started to crave again. That’s how I discovered nutra-sweet, aka aspartame. Even though it had been on the market 15 years, I’d never used it and had given up diet soda, all soda, years ago. Strange, I know. I loved coffee with aspartame! It was sweet and creamy just like the good ole days. This love affair came to a screeching halt though when one day soon after there was a blurb in the daily newspaper “Aspartame Causes Brain Tumors in Mice.” I didn’t need to know the study behind this, or even if it was true, having a disease that predisposes me to brain tumors, that headline was enough for me to dump my Nutra-Sweet instantly for good. I had other relapses. The office coffee room was always serving up fresh hot coffee with powdered cream and sugar. I often gave in and within the next hour regretted it. So much so I’d write myself affirmations stating I would give up sugary coffee and why to hopefully deter my next craving.

The next several years I did great. Having sworn off ANY sugar in my coffee I settled into the world of teas. This coincided with my initiation into the health food world (I have since stopped referring to it as ‘health food’ but rather simply REAL food) I discovered stevia, an herbal sweetener that does not affect blood sugar at all. It was perfect in teas and lucky for me tasted awful in coffee.

I’m not sure exactly when it happened, maybe 2004, but it was when Starbucks came to town that I sunk into my most recent and longest relapse. First it was for special occasions only, like stopping at Starbucks for a white chocolate mocha after the movies or girl friend shopping. Then the new Clearwater mall was built with not one, but two Starbucks, a stand alone store and one inside of Target. Coffee while you shop, what could be better? But really if not for the pumpkin spiced latte I may not have succumbed at all. There was nothing better than a hot PSL on cold morning at work, or on the drive home. And with the lattes came the PMS again along with new knowledge that sugar is not especially good if you have tumors. That alone should have been enough to just say no. Now that I was back on the “gotta have sweet coffee” routine I searched for alternatives. Hey I had a health food store nearby, surely there’s something better than white refined sugar. And there was, or so I thought. Both rapadura and sucanat were spectacular tasting. They had a deep rich molasses kind of taste in a totally unrefined real sugar. I used both off and on until it became daily habit. Despite they were unrefined and did have some nutritional content to them, I knew they were still sugar and still affects blood sugar and probably more. My nutritional knowledge had grown immensely in these few years yet still could not give up that early morning sugar hit. Add to that more Starbucks popped up, There are now three SB stores within walking distance (if I could walk better) from my office! It became a routine (and pleasure) to slip away about 10 am for a coffee and scan my email or read news while enjoying the coffee shop atmosphere.

The last half of 2006 I was becoming aware again of the effects sugar had on me. I also could not deny, not that I ever have, that ‘sugar feeds tumors.” This was proven many decades ago (see links below) my only question was “by how much?’ I figured since my diet is relatively low in sugar, a coffee a day shouldn’t hurt me - an addicts justification again. But I was becoming concerned because more often than not, every time Id have a coffee, afterward, my symptoms (neuropathy in arms mainly) would flare up huge. The scariest was I could feel a deep burn in my C-spine where I have regrowths and probably new growths of tumors called ependymomas, a low grade cancer. These had been very quiet for about 5 years and I was justifiably afraid of waking the beasts. My instinct was telling me that, yes, I am stirring things up with this daily dose of tumor fuel. Not to mention extreme PMS recurrence and candida issues.

By December 2006 I was accepted into a clinical Trial at MD Anderson Cancer Center.. Will save this topic for another day but the drug is a non-toxic chemo we hope will slow NF tumors down. Heck they are already pretty slow compared to real cancer, but since grow on nerves can be very damaging.. I was in Texas for 6 weeks from December thru January this year and the stress of being away from home and the fact the worlds leading cancer center has a Starbucks in the cafeteria and I had a lot of time to kill, I was in no mood to quit my daily ritual, instead I probably increased my sweet coffee consumption during this time.

It is now March 13th, and as of last Wednesday the 7th, I’ve had nothing but a few sips of black coffee each morn. Once again, instant noticeable lessening of my symptoms which all seem to originate from the ominous ependymomas. I’m almost certain it’s mostly because have eaten near zero offending foods in the last week (processed carbs, sugars). I also started drinking Goatein again, a goats milk whey protein mix by the reputable Garden of Life company. It’s also my non-PMS time of the month, so in truth its hard to tell why I’m feeling so well. Next week will be the true test as when the hormones fluctuate so do the cravings.

In no way do I think I’ve beat this addiction or that I ever will. For the first time I understand why alcoholics can’t even have a weak drink on occasion without causing a complete relapse. But at the same time, I’m so aware of the damaging effects of certain foods that I abstain from most of them. The last 6 years or so my diet has changed radically from experimenting with raw food vegan to what I feel is the most protective and nourishing of all ‘diets’ – traditionally prepared unadulterated farm fresh meats, poultry, raw dairy, fermented dairy, eggs, vegetables and few grains. I still find it ironic that it was my mother, who has never been particularly health conscious when it comes to what we eat, was the one who unwittingly started me on this journey to better health through whole diets with that book she apologized for giving to me for Christmas.

Here’s the ingredient list for your average powdered non-dairy coffee creamer:

Partially hydrogenated vegetable oil (coconut, canola, and/or palm kernel), corn syrup solids, sugar, sodium caseinate (a milk derivative), dipotassium phosphate, monoglycerides, natural flavor, salt, silicon dioxide, sodium tripolyphosphate, vitamin E acetate, DATEM, lutein, artificial color, soy lecithin. May Contain Soy Products.

LINKS ON SUGAR AND TUMOR GROWTH

http://www.mercola.com/2000/oct/8/sugar_cancer.htm
http://www.mercola.com/2006/jul/18/more_evidence_sugar_feeds_cancer.htm http://www.drneilmckinney.ca/sugar.html
http://www.healingdaily.com/detoxification-diet/sugar.htm